People I hate at the gym

Okay, so this post is a bit of a deviation from the usual creative nuances, but I don’t do too many things. Allow me clarify: I am usually doing one of four things – working (the-pay-the-bills-web-geekery-kind), working (the-being-creative-usually-painting-kind), hanging out with Tonka , or I’m at the gym. Seriously. I mean, I also sleep and eat and go dancing and hang with a few friends, but those activities don’t happen nearly as often. So, considering the fact that the gym is a huge part of my routine, I wish it was more conducive to an enjoyable time.

I promise I will be back with an art related post in the near future.

1. The ‘cell phone talker’

The other day this guy is on the crunch machine and talking on his cell phone. Loud. I could seriously hear him over my headphones. The people who are gabbing while working out fascinate me. I mean, what does the person on the other end hear? “Yeah, I will <gasp> be there <groan> in about <gasp> an hour!” Can you really be getting a good workout? This is indicative how cell phone rudeness has hit an all time low.

2. The ‘over perfumed cuz I don’t want to smell like I’m working out’

Hey, guess what? Some of us are allergic to the stank resulting from the corporate capitalization on your fear that you’re alone because you are normal and produce scent. Guess how it’s still done in the animal kingdom. Oh, maybe that is why you’re alone. Get over it. You are at a gym.

3. The ‘aerosol deodorant’ guy

See above. Though these guys (I say guys cuz it’s witnessed in the locker room) take it a step further by spraying their deodorant on. Now, not only is the stuff disgusting in the first place, but the spray permeates every mucus membrane in a ten foot radius. Hacking and sinus infections ensue!

4. The ‘I can’t wait one minute’ guy

Not so much on the machines, which when it happens is annoying as all hell, but worse yet is the crowded locker rooms, when that one guy has to push everyone out of the way cuz he HAS TO CHANGE AND GET OUT OF HERE NOW. Dude, there is just no room, and I don’t want your sweaty anything rubbing against me. Give me a minute and you will have PLENTY of room. I promise.

5. The ‘walk around and look cool’ guy

This is the most enigmatic of the gym ne’r-do-well’ers. They look great, and they know it. So they walk around the gym, usually in a distinct circular pattern, checking out the machines, occasionally doing a set here and there with a douchey smugness that is surpassed only by the nitwits on Jersey Shore. What I don’t understand about these guys is how they look so good.  They are hardly breaking a sweat and in the hour to two hour time frame I’m there, I see them maybe doing two sets max on some small machine.

6. The ‘bottle fillers’

This one needs little explanation. You know who they are, filling their bottle at the water fountain while the line queues up behind them. If you are that serious about hydration, buy a bigger bottle at Walgreens.

7. The ‘new year’s resolution’

These people are, unfortunately, a necessary evil. The gym works as a business model because of these people who drop big money to finally get in shape this year but ultimately end up bagging the idea a month or two into the plan. They just eat up machine time and locker room space, and you know they will be gone before long, making it that much worse to wait out. Too bad they can’t just pledge the money and be done with it.

Lesser offenders

These people aren’t really a nuisance, but creep me out nonetheless. Guys who are really scared of showing their junk in the locker room, guys who shave in the locker room, and the worse of the ‘lesser’ – those who wear flip flops while working out, especially on the cardio machines. How’s that arch support working out for you?